So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
