i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
How external is "for external use only"?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
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