If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
