i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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