new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
