theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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