I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
