you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
