capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
