he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
