Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
