I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
