I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
