Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
