Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
