i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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