I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize