the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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