pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bring me that man meat
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
