I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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