honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
