I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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