I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
