true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we're making bets on your personal life
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
