they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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