I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
