Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
