i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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