I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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