Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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