If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
