I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
