the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
