Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
