a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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