just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
