bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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