i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize