i was born a porn star she said
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
