I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
