my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she peed on how many people?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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