So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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