xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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