Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
