glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize