Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
