I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
