hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Man, jail baloney is awful.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
