I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We're too hungover to prance.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
