So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
operation have a gay friend backfired
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
