can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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