yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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