okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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