Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
pray to the hookup gods
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
