No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
