Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
