So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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