Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
