I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am one with the molecules
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
