Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
