She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize