So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
