chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
