i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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