Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
