where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
