I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
