You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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