I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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