i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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