For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
