He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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