What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
