Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
