I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
