i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
