morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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