god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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