You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
