Where is the hickey?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
