happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
