I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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