there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
