You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
