the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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