I will die if light touches me.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
