Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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