hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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