Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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