Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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